31.12.2023
22:29
hello! it's almost the end of the year, and a lot happened these past few days.
today my cousins and i went out to see my older cousin's friend, cause it was her birthday today. we went to a taco restaurant and the food was really good! here are some pictures that my cousin took of our food:
i hope we'll be able to go here when i visit another time! i'd love to try more of their tacos in the future.
we also went to a science center during the afternoon. they had an aquarium there and the fish exhibits were really pretty. they had a dinosaur exhibit and it wasn't really that exciting honestly. i used to love dinosaurs a lot when i was little, and i always wanted to find a real dinosaur fossil at least once during my life. i haven't really thought about the idea since, though, but it would still be cool for it to happen someday. the science center was really exhausting though; we got home and i just laid on the floor for a little bit until i finally got up to go shower.
we watched some episodes of monster tonight. i'm in love with this show, it's so quiet and well-paced that it made me want to pick up the manga. i was super pleased with urasawa's other manga—pluto—that i was wanting to pick up monster too, so i'm glad i was able to dip my toes into it while i'm here.
i'm kind of tired though because my cousins suddenly found themselves in a really deep conversation about statistics. not any statistics in particular, but about how useful or useless statistics is and also what does and doesn't count as statistics. i ended up just going upstairs to brush my teeth, and i didn't really feel like going downstairs because they're still talking about it, so i ended up just going into their mom's sewing room since she's sewing right now and didn't really want to listen to them talk either. she ended up telling me about how she wasn't taught to sew as a child, she only learned it recently (a few years after my oldest cousin was born) and that she really loves it. she even showed me all her fabrics and sewing machines, and it was a really large collection. i don't really talk to their parents much, so it's nice to be able to have moments where i can get to know them better.
well, that's all i have to say right now. my cousins are still having their discussion, so i think i'll stay up here a little longer until it's close to midnight. i hope the upcoming year brings some good happenings and new realizations.
25.12.2023
19:59
hello! i've been having a wonderful time so far!
today we put on the first two episodes of urasawa's monster and it was really good! it's such a slow and quiet but stressful show which is really up my alley. i loved the pluto manga, but when we put on the first episode of pluto it felt really fast. we agreed that pluto should have been given more episodes so that the story had time to breathe cause a runtime of 8 episodes that are a little more than an hour long is way too short for a story that's 65 chapters long. i also felt really exhausted with all the shiny colors and wonky animation too, haha. i wish pluto's anime didn't go through development hell, cause i feel like it would have been absolutely amazing if it was still able to be released earlier. i will say that i think i'd like to read the manga for monster at some point because i realized i really like urasawa's art style, but the anime did capture his essence really well.
i opened up my music player today! here are some (half-assed) pictures i took of it:
it's a really awesome music player! the audio quality is phenomenal and it's so fun to use! my cousin and i saw a video review where the reviewer complained about how stiff the circle dial was, but honestly i'm perfectly okay with it. for example, when i'm scrolling through my folders, it clicks exactly when the list shifts by one folder, so i don't really mind it honestly. i would hate it if it was too loose and i accidentally scrolled way too far when i meant to only scroll up or down once.
i printed out my magazine i did for a class project cause i wanted to give it to my cousins today and they really loved it! i was really happy cause i tweaked it as much as i felt was right before i left for break, so i'm glad they really liked it. they were the main reason i worked as hard as i did on the magazine cause i had them in mind when i made it.
i guess i should say merry christmas right? as i get older and learn more, i kind of start losing interest in western holidays. but the end of the year is... soon! i wonder what next year will bring.
19.12.2023
11:26
hello hello! i never got around to writing that entry, but i feel like writing quite a bit, so i'll do that for this one.
well where to start... yesterday i flew out to see my cousins! i was super excited to finally see them again and we caught up with each other a bit yesterday. in the evening we played monopoly deal, which apparently is a card game version of monopoly? i never got to play a lot of social games growing up, so i get to dip my toes into it while i'm here. oh! and we've been talking about doing some beginner-friendly dnd sessions while i'm visiting. yesterday we spent some time making me and my little cousin's characters. it went faster for me since i went with an oc that i've been developing, so i have a grasp on how i want their character to translate into the dnd world. i also ended up watching a little bit of... supernatural, to say it shamefully. my cousins' parents love this show to the point their mom calls the winchesters her "white sons" HAHA. oldest cousin explained to me that the first 5 seasons were better writing-wise compared to the rest of the seasons because the show was supposed to end at the 5th season, apparently. it's not the most amazing show, but it was surprisingly a decent watch. but to be honest, i would never have watched this on my own. i think it was only as fun as it was because i was watching it with my cousin.
ummm some more updates on my life... i'm doing an internship course for winter semester, which means i needed to score an internship somewhere. i picked a place that is actually not far down from my university, but i have to see if any of my classmates can drive me there so i don't have to spend money instead. i'll see if any buses go that way too. oh yeah, i had to do an informal interview with the person supervising me too, and it went well! she seems very kind and gave me a lot of information about what exactly i'll be doing for my internship, so i think it won't be super hard. i'm also getting paid for the internship too. i'm kind of excited!
i finally caved and asked for a macbook... ha. i desperately needed one because most non-apple computers absolutely burn down when running adobe programs. ha. my immediately family all chipped in to get one for me, which i was touched by. i'm still keeping my current laptop because i'm planning on seeing if i can run linux on it to make it last longer.
not sure what i'm going to do today! i think it'll be a chill day since everyone's kind of tired. it was hard to wake up this morning because i went to bed around 11pm, woke up at 3am, woke up again at 5am, then woke up to my alarm at 7:30am but fell back asleep until 8am. currently i'm listening to villa tereze by oh shu & bioman. it doesn't list bossa nova as a genre, but it feels very inspired by bossa nova. it's an okay album honestly! none of the tracks really stood out to me except for ancona, but i think i'll keep this album in mind when i want to listen to music while i work.
ummm that's it for now! i'll focus on clearing out my music backlog... yeah i have a music backlog, haha. i see too many albums that i plan on going back and listening to and then i never do, so i finally went ahead and made a playlist dedicated to those albums. i've gotten through a few albums already, so it's working!
21:33
good evening! today was somewhat chill. i talked to my oldest cousin a lot today! we reminisced a lot and caught up with each other about what's been happening in our respective lives. apparently her younger brother (my older cousin by a few years) is going through some relationship troubles and it's been difficult for him. i dunno. i've only been in one relationship but it didn't end well because we were both just awful people at that time. as a result i'm just really hesitant to pursue a relationship because i just have too much going on with myself that would make me a horrible person to fall in love with. even if anyone did feel anything for me in that way—which i doubt, cause not only am i too reclusive, i'm just not attractive to cis people—i would turn them down. i just don't think i'm selfless enough to commit myself to someone in that way, even if i was a more stable person.
i'm very... sleepy! thinking about ai no corrida by quincy jones. i've been thinking about that song every so often even though i haven't listened to it in a while. lately that's been happening to me, suddenly thinking about songs i haven't listened to in a while. i'm excited for the rest of this week!
16.12.2023
23:14
hello and happy december! it has been... a very long time. and it's already halfway through december... time sure flies! i recently finished my fall semester and now i'm on break. i came back a few hours ago and i'm quite tired! i also took an allergy pill because i always get bad allergies here, but one of the side effects is drowsiness so i only take it at night.
in two days i'm leaving to see my cousins! how exciting! i kind of wish i had more time to rest from coming back from uni, but i'm sure i'll get to rest plenty while i'm there. i wonder if my immediate family is bothered by the fact that i am barely spending time with them this break. in a way i'm worried about it, only because i hate being a cause of someone's pain. but also i'm coming to terms with the fact that they really just only like the idea of me rather than me as a person. coming to terms with the idea that i don't need to give a lot of myself to people who don't want to get past what they expect from me rather than everything else i can give them. because it's my family it's hard not to feel the familial guilt of not being as devoted to my family as i should. but i won't leave them behind entirely because i love them too much, i just need to put enough distance between us so that i don't feel like i'm completely regressing back to someone who thought everything was out of their control and that nothing good will come my way. it's hard to read my diary entries where you can tell being so suffocated from being here takes a toll on me for that reason. i just hate becoming that person again.
i think i'll write more tomorrow, the allergy pill is getting to me and i'm super sleepy.